The De-Cluttering Diva

You’re a Big Person Now – How Do You Make Friends?

August 1, 2008 at 1:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

 

You’re a Big Person Now – How Do You Make Friends?

 

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.  ~Douglas Pagels

 

When we were kids, making friends seemed to be no problem at all.  At school, we were herded together in groups called “classrooms” and we picked from that bunch.  At home, as long as we were within earshot of mom yelling “Dinner!!” every kid on the street was fair game.

 

You’d spot another kid playing and make a straight-forward approach:  “Wanna play?”  And that was it.  You were friends.

 

Now as adults, the rules for making friends have changed but no one has told us what these new rules are.

 

I went out for lunch recently with a woman I worked with years ago and whose company I really enjoy.  At the end of the lunch I found myself asking her:  “So, ummmmmm, like, I really enjoy your company so without….ummmm….seeming needy, how soon can I see you again?”

 

Smooth.

 

Researchers have found that having good social support decreases our vulnerability to stress.  Some researchers have even gone so far as to say that having a strong social network improves our physical health.

 

A strong social network means different things to different people.  Some people are happy with just a few very close friends.  Other people like to have many casual acquaintances.  Whether it’s an old friend who’s known you since you were a child or a quick chat with the neighbour over the fence, you are the best judge of what will work for you. 

 

Here are six tips for making new friends:

 

1. Go out.  Your new friends are not going to suddenly show up in your living room (unless you really enjoy hanging out with the cable guy).  Find something you’re interested in and do it.  Play a sport.  Take a class. Volunteer.  Join a book club.

 

1. Be a beneficial presence.  Be that person who’s a joy to be around.  Make it your goal to leave people feeling better about themselves.  Notice the positives around you and comment on them.

 

1. Look for common interests.  If you met the person in a group (a class, a book club, a sports league) you know you have at least one common interest right there.

 

1. Invite the person out for a casual occasion.  Go for a coffee for an hour.  This is not the time to invite them to your family reunion where they can meet the folks.  You can invite them by saying something like “I notice we both have an interest in soccer/painting/entomology.  I’d love to get together with you to discuss it.”

 

1. Be a good listener.  Try to learn more about the person.  People love to feel they’re being heard.  Don’t try to top the other person’s stories with “Well, you think that’s bad, wait until I tell you what happened to me.”

 

1. Relax.  Friendship should flow.  Don’t feel you have to push it.  If you try to rush it, the other person may feel pressured.  A friendship is something that builds over time. 

 

Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.  ~Rod McKuen, Looking for a Friend